In the past week or so there have been some highly charged conversations on Twitter and via e-mail between some of my friends and myself about the recent election here in the United States and my reaction to it. This letter addresses how I feel about it (which is fairly apparent), why I feel that way (which is not) and why it is causing me such anguish.
I cannot state this any more emphatically: This is NOT political. It IS personal.
Over the week and a half since the election (I am writing this on November 16) I have made the statement that Donald Trump will never be my president. That's pretty simple. In response I have been told by friends some of the following thoughts:
"...the election is over. Don't be like a whiny Millennial that wants a trophy for losing. I didn't protest for 8 years."
" It really doesn't matter now. He is our president and I will support whoever was elected and pray for success."
"At the end of the day Jim, you can walk around repeating “we’re all doomed, we’re all doomed, we’re all doomed………..or don’t over-think things and have a great life."
"Don't be a sore loser. The country needs to come together."
What those of you who wrote those things to me don't understand is that for me, my reaction to this election is not political, it is personal. Donald Trump will never be my president because of his character or lack of it. And I think I will have a problem with anyone who has supported him or continues to support him.
Three days after the election Kathleen was working from home and I had been through a lot of back and forth that morning on social media about the election. I risen at 2:00 am, unable to sleep, feeling sick. But I could not figure out why this election was (and still is) getting to me to such a degree than any before it. I am fairly liberal guy. At least when it comes to social issues. I vote Democratic most of the time. I am not a big fan of Hillary Clinton. I didn't like her husband that much either. But in my lifetime there have been lots of people elected to office who I have disagreed with. I have voted in 12 presidential elections and my candidate has not been the winner in more than half. I didn't agree with the policies of Ronald Reagan, George Bush, George W. Bush and certainly not Richard Nixon. But in every single case, they were my President and I supported them and this country and hoped they would make good decisions. It is not that way with Donald Trump. Reagan turned out to be pretty good, George Bush too. W was just a buffoon and Nixon was (until January 20th of next year) the most evil person to become president of this country.
Most of you do not know some things about me. I really didn't grasp this about my past until I was trying to figure out why this election of this man was causing me so much pain. Or deep down I knew what was going on but was in huge denial or hadn't put it into words before.
As a child I was pretty heavily bullied. First by my father. A nice guy to pretty much everyone outside our family and some in our family, but a bully. He was trapped in a life he did not want by my mother's illness and he took it out on me and later on others. He used his voice, his hands and his fists. His bullying later led directly to my brother's suicide. I am convinced of that. For my first 8 years of school, he was the only bully in my life. But once I finished Catholic school and moved to public school in the town where my father had been a disciplinarian elementary school principal who had bullied students at his school (and yes, paddling students when you are bigger and more powerful than them is bullying) then things got worse. My father's ex-students would approach me in high school (it didn't help that I was a typical non-athletic fat boy) and on more than one occasion, bully me. By that I mean they would punch me, beat me, make fun of me, taunt me and pretty much do what they wanted to do. Because they were bigger and stronger than me, they could get away with it.
Later in life I ashamed to say, I became a bully myself. I bullied my children and and their mother. Not as much physically but certainly verbally. It took me a long time to grow beyond that and I am so ashamed of the person I was. They were the only people I felt I had power over and so I took that power. I could yell at my kids, scream at them, spank them, make them feel small and it made me feel like I had some power. I don't know how they ever forgave me (and maybe they haven't) and let me continue to be a part of their lives. I hope that the good things I did while they were growing up made up for the bad. I love them both so much and am so proud of the adults they have become. I am trying very hard to be the grandparent that I wish I had been as a parent. To my kids, I am so sorry.
So I have a real problem with people who prey on other people. For instance, I used to love Michael Jackson and his music but I will literally turn off the TV or radio if I hear anything about or by him now. I find it appalling that the city I live in sponsors a “Thriller” dance-a-thon every Halloween which honors him as much as his music. He may have been a cute kid and a great musician but it has been proven that as an adult, he was also a pedophile. He preyed on young boys. He kept child pornography in his home. Had he not been rich and famous he might still be alive, but he would be alive in prison, where he belonged.
I feel the same way about the man who has now been elected to be the president of my country. No, he isn’t a child molester but he has not only been accused by numerous women of preying on them, he has said, in his own words, how he likes to prey on them. As far as I am concerned we might as well have elected a serial killer or serial rapist as the president. Any man who has put his hands on a woman without her permission should NEVER ever see the light of day again. And what does the fact that a minority of Americans (as it turned out about a quarter of them) want him to be their leader say? That they care less about what electing him says to the children of this country—that it is OK to prey on women, to put down the handicapped or to persecute minorities. Isn't that what people who still support him are saying? Would they have voted for Ted Bundy or Charles Manson? Bill Clinton had a consensual affair and was impeached (but not convicted and removed from office).
All this brings me to this: Donald Trump is a bully. That's what it really comes down to. Believe me, I know bullies. His money made him more powerful than many people and his fame made him believe he had power over women. And now this country is about to make him the "most powerful man on earth." What do you think is going to happen then? This is not just opinion. We have so much proof it is beyond belief that this man is still walking around free, let alone about to become the president. If he didn't have money, I am convinced he would be in jail today. You know as well as I do what I am talking about:
He mocks the handicapped (CLICK HERE to see proof in his own words)
He is racist (CLICK HERE to see proof in his own words)
He is sexist (CLICK HERE to see proof in his own words)
He is a narcissist (CLICK HERE to see proof in his own words)
He is a liar (CLICK HERE to see proof in his own words)
He talks about molesting women (CLICK HERE to hear him say it and we know that at least ten women have openly accused him of doing what he said)
So far in a week and a half since his election, he has announced appointments of many of the same kinds of people to hold high office in this country. People who espouse racism, white power, sexism, intolerance and worse. More bullies.
Please note at this point that I have not mentioned his policies at all. That's why I said, it is PERSONAL, not political. Some of the things he plans to do in his first 100 days make sense. And with a Republican congress he may be able to do some of them. But had any other Republican candidate been elected, I would have no problem with it. John McCain? An honorable man who Trump ridiculed. Jeb Bush? Not as dumb as his brother but not as smart as his dad. Even electing Ted Cruz who I consider to be an ideological demagogue would have been better than a bully like Trump.
Trump is evil incarnate and every time I think of him holding the same office as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Franklin Delano Roosevelt or even Barack Obama it makes me sick to my stomach. What he is, is not in question. His own words and deeds have shown exactly what he is. He is a bigot, he is a narcissist, he is a bully, he is a molester of women, he is racist, he cares about no one but himself and getting more power. Bullies love power. It makes it easy for them to be bigger bullies. I think we found that out in the 1930s in Germany.
Which now brings me to this—how do I react to friends and relatives who supported him during the election. And by the way, I fully realize that many of them were voting against Hillary and not for him, but what about those who supported him in the primaries when there were still others to choose from who had the same political views? How do I deal with those people?
As I see it there are only two kinds of people out there who support him. Either they agree with him or they are in denial about the evil that he is. Which leads me to ask, how can I still be friends with these people? We have always known that we have hugely different views on politics from some of our friends. I totally understood that. So over the years we have agreed not to talk politics. But that was before Barack Obama was elected President. Since that time I have seen (mostly on social media) the attitude that these friends have towards him. It is total hatred. Not just that they don’t like his politics or his policies; THEY HATE HIM! I have come to believe (especially in some cases) that they hate him with such virulence because he is black. They believe he has been the worst President ever while I believe he has been an honorable, intelligent, fair-minded leader for our country. But their hatred of him is horrid. I realize that some of them were brought up in a section of this country where it was fashionable to think that people of color (any color) were somehow inferior and the thought that a black man could be their leader is as abhorrent to them as the thought that Donald Trump could be mine. But my hatred of Trump is not based on his color or his ethnicity but on his words and his deeds.
One of the things I often come back to I learned from the writings of Steve Covey, who wrote The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. He wrote about an inner voice. One that we should all listen to. He believed, as do I, that in every decision you have to make, if you close your eyes, quiet your mind and are truly honest with yourself, you will know what is right. You may not do what is right, but you know what is right. That's where I am with those that support Trump. If they close their eyes and are honest with themselves, is he still the right person to lead our country? I doubt they will say he is. I hope they won't. That will tell me what they believe is important. Politics aside, I would have no problem if my grandchildren grew up to be just like Barack Obama. In fact I would be very proud. But if they grow up to be like Donald Trump, I would be ashamed.
Is it more important that we balance the budget or tell our children that a man who molests woman is wrong?
Is is more important that we challenge climate change than to tell our children that racism should not be tolerated?
Is it more important that we build the (what is now proverbial) wall to keep illegal immigrants out than it is to tell our children that truth is important?
Can anyone answer those questions for me.
Some outstanding things I have read both before and after the election.
I read this prior to the election but I still wonder how true it is. The piece is called: If You Tell Me You Are Supporting Trump, I Already Know Seven Things About You
"Tell me you are conservative. Tell me you are Christian. Tell me you are Republican. Tell me any of these things, and I won't make too many assumptions about you. Sure, I may assume you go to church every Sunday, eat red meat, and get most of your news from Fox and Friends, but beyond that, I will withhold judgment on the kind of person you are until I get to know you. In fact, as a Southern white male veteran who lives in a very rural area, most of the people in my circles are of the right-leaning variety. I can attest that most people are fairly decent when you get to know them. This equation changes when you tell me unequivocally that you are voting for Trump. Instantly, I know there are certain things about you and your character that I can assume that I wouldn't if you told me you supported any other GOP candidate. Ain’t none of them good." CLICK HERE to read the entire piece.
A very scary article that my brother found from a British historian. As a person with a Bachelor's degree in Political Science and History, I totally get what he is talking about when he says this:
"My theory is that most peoples’ perspective of history is limited to the experience communicated by their parents and grandparents, so 50–100 years. To go beyond that you have to read, study, and learn to untangle the propaganda that is inevitable in all telling of history." CLICK HERE to read the entire piece.
One of the best things I have read since the election that come closest to how I feel are this quote from an attorney in DC:
"He is dishonest to the core, an ignorant, vulgar, bigoted megalomaniac. He is an authoritarian with a taste for revenge, who has nothing but contempt for democracy, the Constitution, and the rule of law – subjects he knows nothing about in any case. He neither knows nor cares about science. He will put criminals and crackpots in charge of government agencies. The Supreme Court will be packed with right-wing ideologues who will ensure that all manner of fringe legal theories will become legally enforceable. Trump’s presidency will make the Bush nightmare look like America’s halcyon days." CLICK HERE to read the entire piece.
This one from the great Aaron Sorkin who perfectly put his thoughts into an open letter to his daughters:
"And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won last night—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons. Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life (or are the reason for their way of life) have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere. Hate was given hope." CLICK HERE to read the entire piece.
Kathleen sent me this after I had written this. It's an outstanding article about bullying in the age of Trump from the New York Times.
"Since Mr. Trump’s election, the Southern Poverty Law Center has received more than 430 reports of bullying, harassment and racist displays around the country." CLICK HERE to read the entire piece.